My Portfolio

 

Sign my guest book after you read my writing.

 

 

WALK


The rippling stream flowing with life,
The stream talks as water flows; the sound of water
The pale blue sky so revealing; birds sing
When the wind blows, it soothes; whistling
The grass so green and filled with creatures
The mysteries are infinite
The monolithic stone just sits; basking in it's old age
The walk is sweet symphony?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feel

Hello elusive self,
Remember when we withdrew in,
In unabriged  dreams?
The cold eyes stop
When the watcher loves
The bold faced sensation
Of warmth and confusion.
But as the shy, eclipsed sun sinks,
The moon radiates from the ashes
And go on rolling as do the stones...STOP!
Know how to feel for
The elusive self will go on
Crumbling.



 

 

 

Dear You know who you are,
This is
Sean. How was work
today? It's definately Monday
after insane,
crazy,
mind
numbing fun
weekend. The sensational sensations
were quite sensational. Work must
really be work.
I was surprised
Mom didn't yell
just said, "I want to sit down
for a family talk."
You know
how you hear something
so much,
so many times
it starts to become
repetitive and annoying?
It starts to lose it's meaning
and take on something all of it's own.
It's been happening more frequently.
I really need a change.
Change in scenery.
I won't take up
too much
of your time.
I'll page you later.
Sincerely,
Lost in Space

 

 

Comments

This is a great poem. I just have one sujestion. When I read this poem I got kinda lost on the subject. I'm not really sure what you are trying to write about. Otherwise this is a great poem. Keep up the good work.

Remember Always


Date:
14 May 2001
Time:
12:19:01
Remote User:
 

Comments

I like your "Dear you know who this is..." when I read it through I got the feeling that some of the sentences were incomplete. I do like your writing style though.

rememberalways


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
19:03:24
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your second piece in your portfolio "Dear you know who you are" was a pretty good letter poem you proved the point in what you were trying to make, but maybe next time you should try to include a little more detail in which you were trying to say it took me a ahile to get a hold of it. My rating scale is: Help, Adjustment, It's good for now, Need no fixing. I'll give you and IGN.

Your evaluator: John F.


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
19:48:53
Remote User:
 

Comments

In your PE 2 In which you were describing the walk, was very creative. You succeeded in making the reader feel like they were on an actual walk. I was a little confused as to why you ended your sentences the way you did. Why did you not just end each line at the semicolon? One thing I would suggestion if you were to redraft this piece would be to take away the question mark at the end. My rating system is a 1 to 3 scale, and this rate at about a 2.

In your PE 3, in which you and the rest of the class tried to write a letter to someone, was very well written. You successfully showed the letter on a personal level. I was a little confused as to why you have your lines the way they are? Was it easier, did it make the poem look better, or what? The one thing I would suggest you change in this poem would be to add more about the feelings. The reader seems to walk away wondering what you were feeling. This one rates a 2. Just needs that little touch.

Your evaluator, Shelly


Date:
11 Jun 2001
Time:
02:20:25
Remote User:
 

Comments

I was wondering why you finished "Walk" with a question mark. Like you were leaving the scene you painted for speculation of the reader. And "Dear you know who you are" -reading that felt like you were talking directly to me. I liked "Feel" the best. Not everything is clear and obvious, and that's what I like about it. You have to work to understand it.

-littlbs


Date:
11 Jun 2001
Time:
23:50:48
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your first PE was a drafft of the foudn poem, where you tried to describe a walk outside. You succeeded very well in painting a picture of a peaceful nature scene. I was confused as to why you ended in a question mark though. It seemed like you were only listing things that you could here. Maybe in another draft you could focus more on the other senses, like touch and smell. My rating scale is Great Job!, Nice Work, Needs a Little More Thought, and ...Please Try Again. I'd give this piece a Needs a Little More Thought. Nathan


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
00:00:28
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your third PE was a draft of a letter poem. I you succeeded in a writing a very personal letter to someone you obviously trust. The flow of some of the lines is very nice, comfortable and manageable but i was confused when some of the other sentences became longer or even as short as one word. In another draft of this poem you might think about changing the way you structured the sentences. My rating scale is Great Job!, Nice Work, Needs a Little More Thought, and ...Please Try Again. I'd give this piece a Great Job! for the content. Nathan.


Date:
14 Jun 2001
Time:
18:29:03
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hi. Mr. McGonegal here. This is your portfolio evaluation. Do you remember what I use for an evaluation scale? An "AW" for AWARD WINNING, a "P" for PUBLISHABLE, or a "p" for PASSING. Your first piece: p. Your second piece: P. Your third piece: p. Overall, your portfolio represented some of the good work you did this quarter. It was a pleasure writing with you this quarter, and I hope you will keep writing and stop by trueteacher.com to see what your successors are writing for "found poems," "criminal mind" stories, and travelogues. Best, Mr. M.