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Sign my guest book after you read my writing.

 
 

Night

You believe you want
to know, but it is in you?
Reading your life
In the stars
On your hand
In your green tea
No talking
Little summer
Rain spring
Body... Cancer
Heart... Attack
He's gone Kentucky
Break down sob
Come undone
And rise again
Honey, Six o'clock
And late high caffine
   Oh yeah,
Old ladies in oragami
Confused
Moon crying
   Oh yeah...
Good night

 


Dear...


It's been a long time
Seems like yesterday
You played basketball with me
&
Showed me the cool foam that cleaned off your tires
You smoked
Too much
Your hands always smelled
Like Camels
Your fingers looked like you
Pressed the tips against
Something hott
& they they stayed that way
Yeah, anyway-
So now you're gone
& back, but still
Gone.
I stood there
When I stood with you
But not anymore. You may hve thought
It strange at first that you have relations to
Him.
But to tell you the truth,
So did
I.
Good times, huh? Guess I'll go marry Bannans.
Ha,Ha!


-Bird

 

 

 

Four Friends
 
      It was very late at night. The porch door was swinging in the light breeze that was coming in off the lake, brusling the willow tree on its way. The cats where all asleep in the barn with the old horse and cows. There were, however, a few people still awake. They where sitting on the porch swing. Laughing at the old times that happened in that very house, on that very porch, at this very time. So many memories for these four friends, so long ago.
 
      Marilyn was back from Florida. She was tan and smiled alott more than she used to. Brook was still living in Montana. She looked the same, happy, confidant. James from California, Taylor from his house down the street. Just like old times. Except, Jake and Amber were not there. Jake and Amber had been engaged when the town sheriff whipped around the corner and ended their lives when they where taking a ride on Jake's motorcycle. They where only eighteen.
 
     It was strange with out them. Amber wasn't singing old songs from Disney films and Jake wasn't telling stories about his life that made everyone hysterical. They were not standing in the kitchen laughing at each other. They where a mile down the country road lying in silence next to each other.
 
 " Sometimes, I wake up and can see her again." Said Taylor.
" She's with Jake. You know, how they'd always come into my room and jump on me until I woke up? Well I swear I can here them flying down the hall screaming again. One time someone asked us if we where together. I was so stunned. I mean, we were twins! Who couldn't see that?"
 
James, who had been keeping silent for most of the night looked up then from a illegal beer and smiled. He wasn't doing so well since the death of his bother and best friend. He and Marilyn had been living with Brooks's family since the accident.
 
" I think its better that they died together. Imagine what it would have been like if they had been apart. They've been attached at the hip since they where born." Marilyn said with a sigh.
 
" Yeah, your right. But it would have been better to not lose either of them at all. I still don't think its true. Like Taylor said, I can still hear them, down in the barn sometimes. They're still around us, you know?
 
The wind blew again. It had been six months but they still didn't know what it was like to go through a winter without them, or a new summer. But even so,they knew it would be ok.
   

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Let me know how my writing affected you. 

My Portfolio

 

Sign my guest book after you read my writing.

   

Night

You believe you want
to know, but it is in you?
Reading your life
In the stars
On your hand
In your green tea
No talking
Little summer
Rain spring
Body... Cancer
Heart... Attack
He's gone Kentucky
Break down sob
Come undone
And rise again
Honey, Six o'clock
And late high caffine
   Oh yeah,
Old ladies in oragami
Confused
Moon crying
   Oh yeah...
Good night

 


Dear...


It's been a long time
Seems like yesterday
You played basketball with me
&
Showed me the cool foam that cleaned off your tires
You smoked
Too much
Your hands always smelled
Like Camels
Your fingers looked like you
Pressed the tips against
Something hott
& they they stayed that way
Yeah, anyway-
So now you're gone
& back, but still
Gone.
I stood there
When I stood with you
But not anymore. You may hve thought
It strange at first that you have relations to
Him.
But to tell you the truth,
So did
I.
Good times, huh? Guess I'll go marry Bannans.
Ha,Ha!


-Bird

 

 

 

Four Friends
 
      It was very late at night. The porch door was swinging in the light breeze that was coming in off the lake, brusling the willow tree on its way. The cats where all asleep in the barn with the old horse and cows. There were, however, a few people still awake. They where sitting on the porch swing. Laughing at the old times that happened in that very house, on that very porch, at this very time. So many memories for these four friends, so long ago.
 
      Marilyn was back from Florida. She was tan and smiled alott more than she used to. Brook was still living in Montana. She looked the same, happy, confidant. James from California, Taylor from his house down the street. Just like old times. Except, Jake and Amber were not there. Jake and Amber had been engaged when the town sheriff whipped around the corner and ended their lives when they where taking a ride on Jake's motorcycle. They where only eighteen.
 
     It was strange with out them. Amber wasn't singing old songs from Disney films and Jake wasn't telling stories about his life that made everyone hysterical. They were not standing in the kitchen laughing at each other. They where a mile down the country road lying in silence next to each other.
 
 " Sometimes, I wake up and can see her again." Said Taylor.
" She's with Jake. You know, how they'd always come into my room and jump on me until I woke up? Well I swear I can here them flying down the hall screaming again. One time someone asked us if we where together. I was so stunned. I mean, we were twins! Who couldn't see that?"
 
James, who had been keeping silent for most of the night looked up then from a illegal beer and smiled. He wasn't doing so well since the death of his bother and best friend. He and Marilyn had been living with Brooks's family since the accident.
 
" I think its better that they died together. Imagine what it would have been like if they had been apart. They've been attached at the hip since they where born." Marilyn said with a sigh.
 
" Yeah, your right. But it would have been better to not lose either of them at all. I still don't think its true. Like Taylor said, I can still hear them, down in the barn sometimes. They're still around us, you know?
 
The wind blew again. It had been six months but they still didn't know what it was like to go through a winter without them, or a new summer. But even so,they knew it would be ok.
   

                                     

Let me know how my writing affected you. 

Date:
07 May 2001
Time:
17:46:34
Remote User:
 

Comments

these are beautiful. good job


Date:
30 May 2001
Time:
15:42:36
Remote User:
 

Comments

hey girl! hahaha you are an awesome writer!!!!! dammit and i thought i was good!? anyway, you better get an A or whatever the highest grade is cuz you deserve it love ya, beanie


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
12:38:00
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hi Kate! Your first piece is a draft of PE1, in which you tried to show us what it is like for a person to go to bed at night. Perhaps this person in particular is you. You succeeded in showing how hard it can be to read what life is trying to dictate to you, or show you. There is also nice rhythm to the poem, as you go from one idea to the next. I felt a little confused by the line that says, "Old ladies in oragami." Were you trying to say old ladies doing oragami, or old ladies wearing oragami? In another draft of this piece, I think you should perhaps put a break in somewhere, so the reader can take a breath. Perhaps after the line "Heart... Attack" would be good because it ends an idea. Also, you might want to change the oragami line. My rating scale is SPECTACULAR, GROOVY, KINDA COOL, and ALRIGHT. This piece earns a GROOVY. Maybe another draft would earn you a SPECTACULAR+! Your Evaluator, Emily


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
17:47:22
Remote User:
 

Comments

I found your draft of Night interesting. From what i gathered from it you tried to associate the words with night. You succeeded in giving it a dark and a lite side. I was confused a little by the question mark in the second line. It doesn't really seem like a question. In another draft of this piece I would try to make it flow a little smoother. My rating scale is OUT OF THIS WORLD, I'D READ IT AGAIN, and GOOD EFFORT. I give this piece GOOD EFFORT. Your Evaluator: Chris Knight


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
17:52:16
Remote User:
 

Comments

I enjoyed your letter poem. I think that you were trying to express your feelings for the recipient of the letter. You succeeded in doing so. I felt confused when you mentioned the bannanas. In a different draft of this piece I think you should make things a little clearer for the readers understanding.My rating scale is OUT OF THIS WORLD, I'D READ IT AGAIN, and GOOD EFFORT. I give this piece I'D READ IT AGAIN. Your Evaluator: Chris Knight


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
22:23:19
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hey Kate! Your second is a draft of PE2, in which you tried to talk of someone you cared about from the past. You succeeded in giving great detail about what the character looks, sounds, and even smells like. The detail is very good. However, I felt a little confused by the line that says, "Guess I'll go marry Bannans." I know this must be a personal or inside joke that I do not understand. In another draft of this piece, I think you should elaborate on who Bannans is, so not to confuse the reader. My rating scale is SPECTACULAR, GROOVY, KINDA COOL, and ALRIGHT. This piece earns a GROOVY. Your Evaluator, Emily C.


Date:
05 Jun 2001
Time:
22:24:01
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hey Kate! Your second is a draft of PE2, in which you tried to talk of someone you cared about from the past. You succeeded in giving great detail about what the character looks, sounds, and even smells like. The detail is very good. However, I felt a little confused by the line that says, "Guess I'll go marry Bannans." I know this must be a personal or inside joke that I do not understand. In another draft of this piece, I think you should elaborate on who Bannans is, so not to confuse the reader. My rating scale is SPECTACULAR, GROOVY, KINDA COOL, and ALRIGHT. This piece earns a GROOVY. Your Evaluator, Emily C.


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
00:52:54
Remote User:
 

Comments

your first piece is a draft of PP1, in wich you put the words in a nice order that sounded good. You succeeded in knowing were to put the words. I felt a little confused when i read old laddies in origomi. In another draft of this peice i think you should connect it more to the night time. My rating scale is good, ok, bad, I think you get a good.your evaluator: Dominic Scialla


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
01:22:18
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your second piece is the letter poem. I like it. You succeeded in portrying your feelings to who the letter was to. I felt a little confused on your layout. in another draft you should maybee try a different lay out.My rating is Good, OK, Bad, you get Good. your evaluator Dominic Scialla


Date:
14 Jun 2001
Time:
18:19:51
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hi. Mr. McGonegal here. This is your portfolio evaluation. Do you remember what I use for an evaluation scale? An "AW" for AWARD WINNING, a "P" for PUBLISHABLE, or a "p" for PASSING. Your first piece: p. Your second piece: p. Your third piece: P. Overall, your portfolio represented some of the good work you did this quarter. It was a pleasure writing with you this quarter, and I hope you will keep writing and stop by trueteacher.com to see what your successors are writing for "found poems," "criminal mind" stories, and travelogues. Best, Mr. M.