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Infatuation

A woman desired, often at first sight
Luscious desire that sets my heart aflight

Lips cut from ruby
Eyes carved of jade
Skin formed of pearls
Never to fade

Alas you are taken, ne'er to be mine
Forever deprived of a woman divine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Way West

The mistress of deception
Tells a story
A vivid and violent story of the west

Imperial guards
Guarding the gateway
The gateway to the west

Surviving the odyssey
The long march westward.
The sandy wind.

Found rare signs
Clues
Circles in the sand

Looking over a ridge
We can see cherry trees
As we walk on a kingdom of coral

Eye to eye
With the mistress of deception
Deep water reveals old bones.


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My Portfolio  

Sign my guest book after you read my writing.  

Infatuation

A woman desired, often at first sight
Luscious desire that sets my heart aflight

Lips cut from ruby
Eyes carved of jade
Skin formed of pearls
Never to fade

Alas you are taken, ne'er to be mine
Forever deprived of a woman divine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Way West

The mistress of deception
Tells a story
A vivid and violent story of the west

Imperial guards
Guarding the gateway
The gateway to the west

Surviving the odyssey
The long march westward.
The sandy wind.

Found rare signs
Clues
Circles in the sand

Looking over a ridge
We can see cherry trees
As we walk on a kingdom of coral

Eye to eye
With the mistress of deception
Deep water reveals old bones.



Date:
14 May 2001
Time:
12:11:10
Remote User:
 

Comments

Yay Levi -Josh


Date:
14 May 2001
Time:
12:31:49
Remote User:
 

Comments

these poems are sweet dude


Date:
01 Jun 2001
Time:
12:01:54
Remote User:
 

Comments

levi nice job buddy-nikki


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
01:53:41
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your first piece is a draft of PE 4 the sonnet/villanelle, in which you tried to give the reader the image of something that everyone, every guy anyway wants. You succeded in this, with excellent descriptions. I don't quite understand why it is so short. You could really take this poem places. If you redrafted this I could only suggest adding to the length. My rating scale is 1= try again 2= could use work 3= O.K 4= Spiffy/dandy 5= Masterpiece. This piece earns a 4.5 It is very creative, but a little short. Good work. - Your Evaluator Josh Hudson


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
02:02:49
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your second poem is PE 1 the found poem. You did an excellent joc placing words that you found into such a good poem. You succeded in having a allegory that is highly unnoticeable. I only know of it because you pointed it out. The poem is very confusing at first but then you explain it to someone and they say OH I get it now. If you choose to redraft this I would suggest adding more punctuation or take out what you have. All in all it is a real good poem. My rating scale is 1= try again 2= could use work 3= O.K 4= Spiffy/dandy 5= Masterpiece. This piece earns a 4.8It is probably on of the most creative pieces I've seen, I like it. Good work. - Your Evaluator Josh Hudson


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
12:24:43
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your first piece is a draft of on shakespearean sonnet with a rhyme scheme and ten syllables. You didn't use a certain rhyme scheme but I guess thats what makes this poem special.I found this to be very detailed because of you use of the jems.These jems are very beautiful, so I think that's what helped make it a lovely poem I did love the title because it described the poem perfectly.I was confused on the last part "Forever deprived of a woman devine". A quite beautiful line, but I don't think it fits the poem,But nice job anyway. :) Your evaluator, nikki


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
12:27:57
Remote User:
 

Comments

levi-on a scale from 1 to 10 a give you a 8 1/2 for PE1 :)nikki


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
21:21:50
Remote User:
 

Comments

Levi, your first poem, PE4 the sonnet/villanelle, you tried to portray the feelings that many people have. You succeeded in this by making a clear, descriptive picture for the reader. The reader is able to read yor emotions and relate to those described. The piece is well thought and well written. To make this better I would definately add more. Why stop so short? You had a great thing going! That is the only thing Id change. My grading scale is based on four stars... your piece earned a 3.5 due the shortness, but high quality of the writing. Good Job, and Good Luck!

chris m


Date:
06 Jun 2001
Time:
21:31:38
Remote User:
 

Comments

Levi your second poem was quite well done. It was a story telling the way to the west. It was very well done and in that descibed. In this poem you attempted to bring a narration/story of a journey and to put it into poem form. And you succeeded very well in that. Your writing is quite well done. If I were to re-write this piece I would change some of the line spacing. Some lines you have well developed lines, but then there are some following it that are 1 or 2 words. elaborate a little more. But other than that it was a great piece. Out of 4 stars I gave you a three. good job.... Chris Monether


Date:
07 Jun 2001
Time:
12:35:24
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your second piece is a found poem in which you tried to describe the west. You succeeded in describing the "sandy wind", and the " circles in the sand", but I was a little confused when I read " deep waters reveal old bones".My favorite was the first line " the mistress of deception " part, that was true art.Levi, again you have inspired me.On a scale from 1 to 10 I give you an overall grade of a 9 (it could be a little longer).


Date:
07 Jun 2001
Time:
12:37:52
Remote User:
 

Comments

I gave you the 9 levi sorry about :) nikki


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
01:04:30
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your first poem,PE 4, was really good. The word choices fit the poem perfict and the way it describes such a felling is really good. I also enjoyed the rhymes but don't understand why you didn't rhyme line 3 with 5. If your were to redraft I'd sugest that you played with the rhymes and maybe add a few more lines. From a scale 1-5 (1=is that all you got? 2=You can do better than that 4=OK, you tried but not good enough 5=Nice work 6=Great 7=Wow reading this is the next best thing to reading beer) I give you a 6.5


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
01:06:10
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your first poem,PE 4, was really good. The word choices fit the poem perfict and the way it describes such a felling is really good. I also enjoyed the rhymes but don't understand why you didn't rhyme line 3 with 5. If your were to redraft I'd sugest that you played with the rhymes and maybe add a few more lines. From a scale 1-5 (1=is that all you got? 2=You can do better than that 4=OK, you tried but not good enough 5=Nice work 6=Great 7=Wow reading this is the next best thing to drinking beer) I give you a 6.5 Jon Webb


Date:
12 Jun 2001
Time:
01:21:32
Remote User:
 

Comments

Your 2nd poem is good and I like your topic of choice. I know it's a found poem but some of the lines seem randomly placed. If your were to redraft you might want to try and organize the poem so its less confusing. On a scale of 1-7 (1=you call this work? 2=you can do better than that 3=better but I'm not reading that again 4=nice try 5=good attempt but do another draft 5=I like it 6=thats really good 7=Reading this poem is the next best thing to drinking beer) I give you 5 Jon Webb


Date:
14 Jun 2001
Time:
18:11:25
Remote User:
 

Comments

Hi. Mr. McGonegal here. This is your portfolio evaluation. Do you remember what I use for an evaluation scale? An "AW" for AWARD WINNING, a "P" for PUBLISHABLE, or a "p" for PASSING. Your first piece: P. Your second piece: P. Overall, your portfolio represented some of the good work you did this quarter. It was a pleasure writing with you this quarter, and I hope you will keep writing and stop by trueteacher.com to see what your successors are writing for "found poems," "criminal mind" stories, and travelogues. Best, Mr. M.