English 10: Writing Portfolio
|Essay the first: Origins|
|Essay the second: Literature|
|In was a rainy Friday night and my family and I were
eating another meal my mom didn’t want to cook at Pizzeria Uno. As my mom
started to become quite plastered she told us the funniest story I have ever
heard about my family. It was about her beastly overweight sister, my aunt,
Jen Beasley. It was 10 years ago and she was riding her ridiculously small,
blind horse through a trail parallel to a highway in Milton.
My family has been involved with horses for a long time. This would have to be the reason in which Jen would even have the self esteem to place herself on the back horse. Then again many people feel good about themselves and the things they do when they shouldn’t. The people who run the MDC trails believe that they are doing a great job maintaining their trails but they are not. This places us the climax of my story. Jen had come across a rather large log in which her dappled grey horse was forced to step over. With the horse having some blindness and Jen being a very large portion of the weight in this trail ride, the horse immediately tripped. Both Jen and the horse rolled out of the trails into a ditch between the highway and the woods. The rescue teams arrived and they had to get Jen and “Kris Cringle” out of the ditch so the finally decided that they would tie ropes to Kris and pull him out. This was not such a problem because the horse could walk up the side with people pulling him. That was one problem solved but on to the next, removing that fat cow of aunt of mine, Jen Beasley. Normally, Animal Planet would be all over a rescue story like this, the only problem was that the horse was not the one being removed from a ditch by a helicopter! That’s right, in order to get my aunt out of the ditch they needed a helicopter. They lifted her out and placed her in the breakdown lane of the highway.
This story taught Jen that she should really try and overcome her overweight ness. It taught me to think about my actions before I make them.
Dear Robert Browning,
I regret to inform you but you will not be included in this year’s edition of our sophomore textbook. I have basically been told to persuade myself that I do not like an author featured in our book and unfortunately I have selected you. This is the best reason that I could come up with, to me a sophomore textbook about British literature should include authors whose work requires them to use a vivid sense of their mind to acquire the imagery. English teachers would refer to this as reading between the lines. Your best pieces of work, however, do not meet these requirements, they are ordinary speech poems. You would most definitely be included in any textbook pertaining to only British Literature and would be among the most quintessential British poets especially of the Victorian Age but your work does not challenge a tenth-graders mind.
Before we decided to cut you I did some research on you and found out that you have written very complex poems which require a lot of thinking. In fact they have required too much thinking and they are not among your best works. In my research I did not come across any critics who dislike all of your work but dislike some selections of it such as your poem “My Last Duchess” I will not cite these critics because they are judging you against you mental health and relationship with your late with. You obviously do not have many critics because you are a great writer and I am 100 percent that being cut from out textbook is a minor loss to you and that you work in our textbook is a minor, small percentage in all of your current publishing.
In conclusion I yet again regret to inform you that you will not be included in this year’s edition of our textbook. Please do not feel offended Mr. Browning this is because you will always be a large stone in the wall of the Victorian Age and your works will not be forgotten... Thank you for your time.